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At Five Years You Get A Handshake, Right????

So snarkdoodles,

Today is my Five year wedding anniversary to the phubster. I actually can’t believe it’s been five years of being married, and 8 years of being together. My sister in law (the phubster’s sister) told me that I’ve been around their family for way to long and that I should probably think about packing up my shit and leaving.  (Reading that makes her sound like such a total bitch, but I assure you that she was totally kidding, I think….) She’s probably right, I have been around for a LOOONNGGGG time.

Long enough to see her get her license, graduate from High School, get married, and have kids, and well not particularly in that order…

Long enough to be there when the phubster’s brother passed away from Leukemia….

Long enough to watch his other siblings grow up as well….

Long enough to go through three other girlfriends with his other brother before he finally settled on his wife…

Long enough to be there when the phubster’s last remaining grandparent passed away…

Long enough to be there for the birth (ok not literally there, but you know what I mean) of my two nieces and two nephews….

Long enough to get into a major fight where we almost got divorced…

Long enough for us to both really hurt each other, and then learn how to forgive and how to move on…….

Long enough for us to have our two wonderful children….

Long enough for me to overlook the sound of his teeth clacking together when chews his food… (what… this is a MAJOR issue for me)

So  the question is what do you get a guy you’ve been stuck with for so long. The phubster is one of those notriously hard males to buy anything for. He’s always telling me God Awful bullshit like, “I don’t need anything, you’re everything I would ever need,” and, “honestly, I would rather have you spend the money on something you want for yourself.” I mean WHAT.THE.FUCK. Seriously?! FUCKING SERIOUSLY…. Do you see the kind of bullshittery games he likes to play here……


Sooooo…. I think I decided he can just have a handshake and a pat on the back, because that’s what you get at five years right? RIGHT. Truth be told I’m stumped, and we’re going to dinner tonight so I guess I’m also out of time. Is it considered cute if I hand make a card at my desk with my highlighters? It’s the thought that counts right…

Shit. I’m so screwed…………

But in a moment of seriousness…. To the phubs… the man who puts up with my snark, my out of control spending (i.e. I did not die after spending my retirement at Costco this weekend–>a post for another day), my crazy schedule, or insane kids, takes care of the doggies, and still finds time to make me laugh, and feel special everyday; just like the first day we met. I love you, and I know I don’t deserve you, but that’s ok, because I’m pretty sure that you don’t deserve me either, which probably means we were made for each other. Besides who else would put up with your clacking teeth…



About beccasprettysurethat

I cuss, I'm snarky. I'm a slave to my desk and kids. I joined a gang once, and was forced to wear YELLOW at my sister's wedding...

5 responses »

  1. What does he like to do? Even as a family outing? Anything outdoorsy? Any hobbies? I’d start with the handshake and move on to dinner, drinks, sex, and then a high five!

    • He likes to hang out with us honestly. His most fave thing to do is rent a ton of movies, buy some goodies and then just sit down and chill. No hobbies, besides being annoying…. Dinner and drinks sounds pretty great… depending on how many drinks I partake in is going to determine the sex part though…. Can I just start off with a high five?

  2. I thought you were going to do the boudoir photo session for him?????


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